Marrying the FAMILY!
I sometimes wonder, what if one day a man proposes to me and I knew that his father was a drug addict and is in jail..
shall I tell the guy to get lost?
or shall I save my self from people’s tongue and say “NO!”
or shall I give the poor guy a chance?I mean, I know we should pray al istikhara, but let’s take it from the non-religious perspective for a sec. It would be a very difficult decision.
When I come to think of it, at the end I would be marrying the guy and not his family. Just because his father is or was a drug addict does not mean that the world has come to an end.
The guy might be on his best manners, best behavior…. In other words he may be the man of my dreams.Why should the immature action of his father be a barrier between the man and marriage?I am really against this non sense thinking.
(sorry for that but it’s just not logic!)
People should not judge others from their family names, family history, and family mistakes.
They should only judge the person whom they will get married to because as I said previously, they won’t marry the whole family.
Our beloved Prophet Mohammad Salla Allahu Alaihe Wa Sallam married Safiya bint huyay and her father was Jewish.
He did not refuse to marry her, even though her father considered our beloved Prophet as an enemy..
SubhanALlah..
Where are we from our Prophet Salla ALlahu Alaihe Wa Sallam?
I can’t believe how people nowadays care about the simplest most unimportant thing when it comes to marriage.. Please to all the girls and guys out there. Never judge a person before knowing him or her. I mean ask about the one you want to marry, it’s not a hard task, it’s not like I told you to go hire a spy. Simply ask about him/her in his neighborhood, work, and Masjid.
As they always say “Don’t judge a book by its cover”
note to my visitors: Share your point of view with us 
You’re absolutely right - we should never condone people for the misbehaviors of their family members. God knows how much these ill deeds shame the reputation of the entire family (a very prevalent reaction in our region) but it leaves us missing out on possibly wonderful opportunities of bonding with the rest of the people.
People should be changed by their own actions and shouldn’t hold guilt for other people’s deeds. Logical and fair.
Thanks for raising such a social taboo - always great to discuss these issues!
mashalla 3lech always coming up with interesting topics!
i agree with ya… problem is our parents & society cares alot about outer appearances… especially when it comes to a person’s reputation..its something we cant change easily but then again the +ve thing is our generation is different
Interesting topic!!
True we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover but probably the man who proposed would have had incidents with his father in his childhood maybe and somehow is influenced psychologically. So why risk your life with this guy? Even though you’ve asked about him and people say he’s a good man but theres no guarantee.
I’m not saying that all men who have such problems in their families should be rejected, but I don’t think by just asking people around solves the problem.
Amorelicious + pinkie
thanks both for sharing your opinions..
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UAE Belle — >
first, i respect your perspective..but i hope i can change it ;oP
what you said is totally true..
but it isnt his fault..
when parents make mistakes, the children are always the victims..
why shoud his kids pay for his bad deeds..
put your self in the man’s shoe.. how would you feel
in our days many religious ppl have bad parrents
the norms are changeing,, i have a bearded friend his mum doesnt wear hijab and wears pretty bad stuff,, may Allah make this brother firm on his deen
say if your parrents were drug addicts,, how would that be??
as long as the person himself is strong in deen and we know for sure from the thahir then it should be okkay
Interesting ..
I think it really depends on how we see the issue
there is a difference between was and is
“when parents make mistakes, the children are always the victims..
why shoud his kids pay for his bad deeds..”
And why should you pay for the man’s psychological or whatever problems he has because of his parents??
UAE Belle –> the man may have no problems at all..
except for the fact that his father isn’t good..
LoL.. How would you know that he doesnt have any problems..? Just asking about him is not enough. You said it yourself.. “the man MAY have no problems at all”.. Would you take the risk? Would you get married thinking that he’s a good man then suddenly he would be acting violently for instance?
UAE Belle –> well your point is clear..
actually.. you can know him during the khutooba..
:) he can come sit w/ u and the family.. and u can know him better by time..
unfortunately.. not all ppl accept this..
Yeah I wanted to reach to that point. Not all families allow the 5u6oobah period to be an open period where you can know your fiancee better.