Marriage & Love
I have realized that alot of people around me are thinking about marriage even though they are still young.. To be honest, I really can’t blame them..
I mean even I, myself, make dua’a that Allah would bless me with a good Muslim husband..
We are surrounded by a lot of fitan and these fitan are giving us all a hard time.. I mean I really don’t want to make a sin by falling in love with a brother which I know I would never marry.. I don’t want to betray my parents trust and I don’t want to be a victim of Satan.. but with all these fitan people can’t control their emotions and feelings at times..
I mean as a Muslim girl, I want to be loved more than anything.. But the thing is I want to be loved by my husband and not by a man that loves me not for the sake of Allah but for the sake of him satisfying his wants and needs..
Some people may disagree with what I say and easily tell me “people can simply control their feelings and think of other things”
But what I can say is “we are human, we have feelings”
we want to be loved just like the rest..
subhanAllah..
what makes things harder is that it is easy for a guy to choose who he wants to marry, but it wouldn’t sound right for a woman to propose to the man she wants.. even though my friend sent me a fatwa that it is acceptable that a woman proposes to a man if she falls in love with him for his DEEN..
My friend also told me a story about our beloved mother “Khadijja” رضي الله عنها how she let her friend interfere in uniting her with our beloved Prophet Sallahu Alihe wa Salam..
But still, I don’t think it’s easy for a woman to propose to a guy.. because some [not all] men may take advantage of this thing and then keep reminding his wife that SHE wanted him and not the opposite..
I know marriage is not only about love and building a family, but about responsibility, raising well behaved and true Muslim children..
Yet I don’t find it hard..
A woman can be responsible if she follows the steps of our Mothers Khadijjah, Aisha and Hafsa رضي الله عنهن
And still even with all these responsibilities we Muslim girls still want love but in a way that Allah has allowed us, in other words in a HALAL way..
It’s not that we are emotionless and it’s not that we have hearts made of stones..
When I look at people that talk to guys on the phone.. I feel sorry for them..
because if he truly loved her he wouldn’t’ t have talked to her behind her parents back and make a huge sin..
Instead as my mom [the woman I truly love] always says “if a man wants a woman, he wouldn’t climb the window but would enter through the door”
It’s so true.. and I couldn’t agree more..
But truly..
Will we find a true Muslim guy that is willing to enter the door rather than climb the window?
All what I can say now is “InshaAllah khair” ..
And “Allah kareem”..
I want to talk more about this issue, yet I find it hard..
And you ask why marriage issues have brought me down….
Omar ibn Al-Khattab said:
“ليست كل البيوت تقام على الحب, بل البيوت تقام على الإسلام”
or something like that…
I go with what u said ^_^ ..
it’s a reflection of my brain & heart in term of words …
I have this to add =)
ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجاً لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة إن في ذلك لآيات لقوم يتفكرون} - الروم
Barak allaH feetch sis =)
alSalam 3alaikom, of course we (guys) are not allowed “as Muslims” to have relationships with girls unless we get married.. I am a guy and I wanna mention something abt the guys in our country (( UAE )) .. Wallah there are many many many guys who are really good and want to get married for ta9een el nafs wel Seter .. But there is a huge obsticle that is facing them, many Parents (( Allah yehdeehum )) ask for mabaale’3 kbeerah as a mhar .. and we should not forget the other needs for weddings parties and gold etc etc .. these days .. The person rarely finds who will accept to let you marry his daughter without paying at least 200,000 DHS in total .. oh it’s really ‘6ulm .. and that leads to many problems, especially divorce. You know why, because the guy spent everything and was forced to ask for loans from banks to afford what the parents and the girl asked for, and then how can he live with his wife and family as good as they like. He will keep on paying his Dyoon until the woman says, ENOUGH .. I can’t live this way, but what if the wedding didnt need to pay all that money, you will find them having great life without dyooon and if there were some, they wouldn’t be that much .. the purpose of el zafaaf is el Esh-haar .. to show the public that this couple is officially marriedm, and as Ahel el 3elm said, the 2 witnesses that see the “Katb el 3aqd” or as we call it “Melchah” are enough for esh-haar, and about the food, as Al Shai5 Bin Baz Ra7mat Allah 3alaih said .. thbee7tain are really enough. But I am wondering where can I find that family and those parents who will accept that for Seter only ! ..
الله السمتعان ..
and sorry for talking too much :\ ..
Al Salamu 3alaikom ..
I am back again, I just forgot to mention something, accroding what I wrote above, also that is a reason for guys getting married to non-local women, because it is cheaper and that leads to zyaadat nesbat el 3nooseh in the country and it’s a FACT .. it’s happening in here .. and the problem is that all the blames go to the guys.. let’s ask .. What is better if the guy couldn’t afford what it needs to get married to a local girl, getting married to non-local woman or Zena?!?! ..
Wallah el shabab Msakeen these days .. lol ..
sorry again ..
Al Salam 3alaikom
DXB_Muslim –> you are a brother , if you find the right Muslim girl you can propose to her..
whereas, we girls find it hard..
that’s why i think it’s not that complicated for brothers
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MooN~BeRRy –> Barak Allah feech for adding this aya..
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Numb –> wa 3alaikoum isallam wa rahmat ALlah wa barakatuh..
ok brother, i agree with what you wrote..
and I can’t deny that the mohoor are SKY HIGH! wa lakin brother..
please don’t generalize..
some poeple made fun of me when I told them kam bakhalee my dowry..yet I didn’t care cos as our beloved prophet sala Allaho 3alaihe wa salam said
إن أعظم النكاح بركة أيسره مؤونة
not all parents want sky high mhoor.. it’s just that you have to search harder in order to find parents that don’t really care about money but about the happiness of their daughters..
I have written something about what you mentioned about local marrying a non local..
http://candle-of-hope.com/blog1/archives/58
Jazak Allah khair brother..
May Allah bless you with a good muslim wife..
Ameen..
candle-of-hope,
of course I cant generalize it, but as I mentioned it’s rare nowadays
Jazaky Allahu 5ayran wa baraka Feeki
salam ….
what u’ve said is just right o inshalla Alla yestar banat omat Mohamad ya rab
Alla Kareem
ps nice update
AD_Queen
I truly believe that when a person is born Allah sub7aneh wa ta3ala has written who their spouse would be, and whether they’re in the same neighbourhood or worlds apart they will find each other, or in the case of our culture, he will find her. Another thing is that Allah sub7aneh wa ta3ala 3ind 7sn ‘6an 3abdehi bih, so itha nes7en e’6an eb our God, and if we believe that whoever is maktoob for us is a good Muslim that’s what we’re going to get, and that’s what I believe in with all my heart.
Gurl what if u marry
What if ur husband seems to be this good relegious dude who prays his 5 prayers at the masjid
what if he seems like the pefect husband
BUT he’s not !
He’s fake
He doesnt love u he only married u to shut the ppl who r asking y arent u married yet.
He has affairs with girls n he doesnt even bother to hide it from u
He disrespects you etc etc
You see dear sister, even marriage is sometimes part of the problem. Fetan are everywhere, throwing urself into an uncalculated marriage *like many girls nowdays who marry under 20* would only create a bigger problem for you.
Rabey ye3e6eech 3ala gad neytech hun =)
Tc and nice webloG
PS~ email is fake =P
Allah yhdee eljmee3
you are so right sis
these relationships.. they dont mean much.. you dont find real support for you.. a relationship should be based on more than just love.
Bliss –> we have been taught to think in this way since we were children.. but subhanAllah because of the lack of Iman we forgot this concept.. Jazakee Allah kair
see.. be optimistic girl..lol..
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Leman –> loool.. why be so pessimistic.. your husband may be as good as he seems.. and we should think that no matter what happens ALlah knows whats best for you.. maybe ha ibtila2 min ALlah so that you would win a place in paradise
liked what you wrote though..
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LadyUae —> ameen..
so true what you have mentioned..
Jazakuom ALlah khair for passing