January22
your son or daughter may ask you one day “mom, dad.. what do you fear the most?”
what would your answer be..?
i mean.. **if we take it from the non religious perspective**
i know from now what my answer would be..
i would simply say “SHARKS”!
just the thought of the “existance of sharks” terrifies me.. it gives me this weird tingly feeling..
i remember when we went to Australia, Gold Coast to be more specific.. we went to this aquarium place..
we were in some kind of a tunnel and we were surrounded by all types of fish..
i cant forget how i reacted when i saw the SHARKS above me swimming.. and giving me their deadly look.. ahhhh…. i felt my heart sink deeply into my tip toes!.. i was just praying that the aquarium wouldnt break!..it was such a horrible experience..
at times, my best friend would tease me and tell me.. how can you fear something that isnt on land **cos sharks are in the sea**.. well… i know the fact that sharks cant walk.. which means im in PEACE.. but the idea of them being alive.. kills me..
That’s why i SO REFUSE to go on sea trips..
another experience with my FEAR:
in gold coast.. we went on a simple sea trip.. OMG!,.. my face turned.. purple, blue , green or you can simply say the “rainbow colors” oh and also it turned EXTREMELY pale for seconds..
the only place my eyes were locked on in the whole trip was the “sea“.. i was looking deeply into the sea.. trying to gaze deeply and focus incase a shark popped out and planned to pass by and say “hello”..
i was so scared… i started having these negative thoughts.. about drowning.. seeing sharks gather around me!! aaahhh… sharks just IRRITATE ME!
so there!..this is my story about what i fear the most..
so now.. it’s your turn…
tell me “What Do You Fear THe Most?”
January6
I feel so lost, so hurt, so confused.. i dont know whether i should cry or shout.. i dont know what to do.. every path i take seem to lead me to nowhere.. every breath i take doesnt enrich my body with oxygen.. shall i cry? or shall i allow myself to be defeated by sadness?
shall i stand still or put up the white flag ?
do you know how it feels to be totally lost ?
do you know how it feels to be stabbed in the heart?
do you know how it feels to be all locked inside?
do you know how it feels to want something so badly but not get it..
it hurts alot.. this pain has put some scars on my heart..
scars that will never be healed.. scars that will only bring more agony to me..
i have tried several times to hold back my pain and tears.. but at times,
i can no longer handle the pain in my heart and start to shed tears of pain.. one tear following the other..
Tears that seem to be burning my cheecks from the heat of sorrow..
ahhh.. my wound and pain are so deep..
I feel so lost, so confused, so hurt..
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That’s why now i tend to pray and ask ALlah to ease my pain.. because there is no healer other than ALlah.. and that’s why i now tend to read the “holy Quran” to know that “patience” is the best thing a person can have when he is feeling so lost, so confused and so hurt..
إِنَّمَا أَشْكُو بَثِّي وَحُزْنِي إِلَى اللّهِ – يوسف : 86
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ – البقرة : 186
December25
Two years have passed since my grandfather passed away..
Even though two years is alot, but somehow i still feel that he is around us, everytime i go to my grandmothers house i somehow expect to see him as i open the door.. maybe it’s because of the fact that “I Miss Him So Much”…and maybe it’s because of the fact, that i will never forgive myself for not saying “goodbye” to him when he was in a comma, or the fact that i didnt visit him in his last days..
How harsh of me, how mean of me..
“I miss you grandfather, i miss your song, your smile, your laughter, your aroma, your innocent looks.. I miss you so much, i miss you alot that it hurts me deeply when i remember how special you were to me.. I Miss you so much that at times, i cry myself to sleep at night”
if only i could turn back time to hold him again and kiss him goodbye..
i would do anything to hear him call my name again..
but turning back time is a dream that will never come true, unfortunately no magician can turn back time..
“I Loved You Alot Grandpa, and I Always Will”
اللهم اجعل قبر عبدالله بن عبدالرحمن روضة من رياض الجنة..